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If they’re bland with flashes of beauty, they will make a formidable partnership with someone who is brilliant and boisterous.

They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.

They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children.

Team USA have only won five of the last 16 Ryder Cups.

Four of those five victories have come on home soil.

The team that is victorious on Sunday will be able to attribute their success to three factors: the influence the captains will have on their players, the influence the players will have on each other, and the influence the crowd will have on everyone.

So, after the captains have picked their pairs, and the players have exerted their influence over each other (for better or worse), it is the crowd that will have the biggest impact.

Two beauties together will guarantee success, but possibly at the expense of weakening the rest.

Finally, if you do have two brainless, never put them together; sticking shards of metal in a socket is never clever (true story – Adam Ford of class 7B nearly lost his life).

The Ryder Cup is my favourite event on the golfing calendar.

It is three days of relentless distraction from the usual toil of planning lessons, marking work, and weeping silently.

I’m aware that deliberating over how to pair 12 highly motivated, extremely professional, world-class athletes seems a million miles away from a teacher writing a seating plan to cut down on times where kids avoid writing essays by drawing on each other’s faces. There are six categories that can be used to describe any student:-The Beautiful They can do everything; the type of student that will lead by example and coax others up to their level – the type of golfer you want in your first group on Friday morning.