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And when you close your eyes and think of someone hot, you’re probably thinking of a white person. But you can develop awareness and create a new pattern.” Without recognizing that this is an issue, we don’t stand a chance at fixing it.

As is protocol with sweeping epidemics, people should start by honestly talking about the problem (see: Contagion; Outbreak for suggestions).

But no one will talk about this, because no one likes being called racist.

People are entitled to their taste and you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? Which maybe doesn’t sound so bad, because I mean, they have other preferences, too. I’m talking about all my clients, only 55% of whom identify as white.

As a professional matchmaker, I’ve interviewed over 1,000 singles, and in the past two and a half years, I’ve made around 2,500 matches.

Except it’s hard for me to find another word to refer to “people making negative assessments of large groups of individuals that they’ve never met, based solely on the color of their skin.” Now, do I think that everyone is lying when they say they’re not attracted to black women or Asian men?

That they’re actively harboring racist fantasies about certain minority groups? I think they genuinely don’t feel all hot and bothered when thinking about them.

But there is definitely a reason beyond “they just don’t do it for me.” This is about social forces shaping our preferences, and we’ll never progress without acknowledging that fact. We are not the passive victims of our own internalized biases. As author and psychologist James Giles writes, “That is not to say that romantic attraction is fully under our control, but only that it is not fully beyond our control.” So when are our love lives going to start reflecting that? And our society has tacitly decided that those guidelines only apply to your professional life.